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And The Oscar Doesn’t Go To…

In honor of The Oscars, I thought I’d compile some of the funniest movie reviews I’ve read over the past year.  Enjoy!

Endless Love

Endless Love lives up to its name. It’s purgatory.” David Edelstein, Vulture

Endless Love didn’t have to be this godawful.” Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

“This movie has no idea how letters of acceptance work, how airports work, how relationships work.” Alonso Duralde, Linoleum Knife

 

Odd Thomas

“…it will rank somewhere on a scale that starts with twee and ratchets up to insufferable.” Maitland McDonagh, Film Journal International

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Son of God

“The film goes wild with helicopter shots of Jesus and his followers traveling through the hills. Who knew Christ was lord of the rings?” Ben Kenigsberg,  AV Club

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Pompeii

“Is it wrong to root for the volcano?” Christy Lemire, ChristyLemire.com                                                 OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

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Ride Along

“Can you be physically assaulted by a comedy?” Ken McIntyre, Total Film

 

Winter’s Tale

Winter’s Tale is preposterous twaddle. Use it as a date movie only if you don’t love the one you’re with.” Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

 

3 Days To Kill

“The only thing 3 Days to Kill murders is 117 minutes…” Brent Simon, Paste Magazine

 

The Hangover Part III

“If only what happened in Vegas had stayed in Vegas.” Tom Charity, CNN.com

“Not just bad, but weirdly, fascinatingly bad.”  Rick Groen, Globe and Mail

 

The Canyons

“If the creation of self-important tedium were a competitive sport, The Canyons would take home the gold.”  Kenneth Turan, Los Angeles Times

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RoboCop

“…a movie I wouldn’t buy for a dollar even on picture-perfect Blu-ray.” Matt Brunson, Creative Loafing

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The Counselor

“It’s like a mumblecore movie about a bunch of Sarah Lawrence philosophy majors, made by coked-up rich people for 100 bajillion dollars.” Andrew O’Hehir, Salon.com

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Machete Kills

“The market has well and truly rejected the Machete franchise, as if it were salted toothpaste or phlegm-flavoured soda.” Simon Miraudo, Quickflix

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The Internship

“There are bad movies, and then there are movies whose success would bode ill for cinema’s future. The Internship is the latter.” Nathan Rabin, The Dissolve

 

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

“At least it puts forth a sound message: Kids, avoid overdoing it on sweets — especially candy that doubles as drywall.” Claudia Puig, USA Today

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The Host

“[A] bizarre Saturday Night Live sketch about a girl with a bratty alien inside her.” Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

 

Jobs

“You could call this a crowd-pleasing Hollywood ending. You could also call it genocide.”  Luke Buckmaster, Criky

 

The Lone Ranger

“Somewhere, around the hour-and-a-half mark, The Lone Ranger makes the fateful decision not to end.” Christopher Orr, The Atlantic

“If The Lone Ranger was a character in The Lone Ranger, it’d be the villain.” Andrew Johnson, Movie Mezzanine

 

After Earth

“Stay home. Paint something. Watch it dry. It’ll be more rewarding.” Tim Martain, The Mercury

 

A Good Day to Die Hard

“Don’t let the title fool you. This should have starred Steven Seagal and gone straight to DVD.” Eric D. Snider, EricDSnider.com

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Movie 43

“Being punched in the face was easier than watching this movie.” Marc Fennell,  Triple J

Thanks for sharing!

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