all the single ladies: the new wedding trend that has to stop

Last week, I read about a new wedding trend.  Apparently, at the reception, instead of throwing the bouquet, brides are handing one flower to each single woman in attendance and praying for her to find a husband.

When I read that, I thought, “HOLD.THE.PHONE.”   And I wondered what I would do if I was at a wedding where the bride tried to do that to me.

Lucky for all of us, I was on a writing deadline and didn’t have time to do much blogging last week, which gave me the opportunity to figure out why the new trend is so insulting/offensive/condescending/troubling/problematic.

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Here’s the deal.  To you brides-to-be, first of all, Congratulations! I am genuinely excited for you.

And second, on behalf of me and my single sisters, please don’t do this at your wedding.

For starters, your wedding day is about you changing your marital status, not mine.

Also, it’s presumptive to assume that I would even want a husband right now.  Just because you did doesn’t mean I do.

And, honestly, I don’t go to wedding receptions to be singled out, given leftover flowers and prayed for.  The point of the day is to celebrate you, not to console me.

Lastly, there are lots of benefits and advantages to being single and, while I’m not opposed to getting married at some point, the season of life I’m in right now, with lots of opportunities to travel and write and speak, is only possible because I’m single.  The Bible actually says singleness is preferable.  It’s hard sometimes, no one throws showers for me or buys me presents from a registry or shows up at a special ceremony that took me a year of my life to plan.

But I love my life.

I’m happy for you that you’ve chosen a marriage partner, but it doesn’t necessarily follow that I need to find one now, too.

So. If you’re a bride-to-be, Cheers.  Mazel Tov.  Felicitations.

Enjoy your special day and, for the love of everything, please, please, please don’t give me a rose from your bouquet.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for sharing!

11 thoughts on “all the single ladies: the new wedding trend that has to stop

  1. God forbid a bride should choose to pray with the single women on “her day” rather than have them act like wild animals tripping over each other to catch the bouquet. The entire reason to catch the bouquet is to see which single lady will be married next; that’s the tradition, so it’s essentially the same thing as taking the bouquet apart. It’s just making sure each single lady gets a flower and special attention from the bride, which is not a bad thing. Here’s an idea: If you don’t like the idea of finding a husband, tell the bride you’d rather pray for happiness in whatever vocation in life you choose. Or just tell the bride you’d rather not have a flower from her bouquet and be like the single women who sit out when it’s tossed instead. It’s pretty ironic that you’d argue that the day is all about her (it’s not, it’s about the couple) and then say she needs to stop doing something she wants to do.

  2. I agree, the bride should be able to do what she wants on “her day,” but should it be at the expense of just the single women the couple invited to celebrate their marriage? And to clarify, it’s not about not wanting to find a husband now, it’s about not wanting to become the entertainment to announce that I haven’t found one yet…I’m quite aware, thanks. Not to mention that it’s not as easy for a single woman to “sit out” during the boquet toss. I have had experiences where I’ve been called out by name and sometimes even physically pulled out to the floor for the toss. It’s humiliating. If the bride wants to pray for someone, then instead of singling out a group of women, why not also pray for the married women? Praying for only single women is a huge assumption that the married women are perfectly happy and don’t need prayer to love their husbands well, to raise their children, deal with infertility, lonliness in marriage, etc. It’s also assuming that the single women are not happy where they are, or worse, that they’ll only be truly happy when they get married. We need to encourage our Christian women (single & married) that only in the presence of God is there fullness of joy.

  3. I feel to some extent I understand the author. Waiting is not easy .
    All the same it’s good to be easy and celebrate others with a pure heart (only by God’s grace )as this pleases God and also speeds up our season of visitation.

  4. The thing about both the bouquet toss and this new tradition is that they both draw attention to someone’s singleness. Some people may be content in their singleness and have no problem with it, but it can be very painful, for some. (Certainly is for me!) As someone in their late 30’s who would *very* much like to be married, I’m already feeling the sting of singleness at a wedding. I’m internally commanding myself to “Be happy for your friends, be happy for them, don’t think about your own pain/fear, BE HAPPY FOR THEM!” I don’t need further attention drawn to my singleness, I don’t want to be called out on the dance floor because of my relationship status, I don’t want to be given a flower and prayed for – because I’m so desperately trying not to think about my singleness, I’m so desperately trying to focus on the happy couple and their happy day.

    I don’t know. This may be a cute tradition for girls in their early twenties. But once I crossed the age-thirty threshold, I (admittedly) starting hanging out in the powder room during the part of the reception where I was going to labelled and singled out for being single.

  5. This does seem pretty inconsiderate. I don’t get why they have to pass out a rose and pray for EVERY unmarried woman attending. It would make a heck of a lot more sense to just gather those that want prayer, just like to only gather those that want to join in the bouquet toss. I don’t think this rose passing and prayer is bad on the whole. It’s just rude to assume everyone would want it. Cause what happens when you assume? Right.

  6. I think it could be both but I opt for being gracious, no I don’t want pity, but I’m not thrilled about my singleness tho it’s changing, why not be happy you are invited. I rarely get wedding invitations and the fact that someone even thought about me at all, yes could be condescending because some women will never marry. Or it could be a sweet gesture made by the bride, lots of singles are ignored especially at weddings so who knows maybe Mr. Right who didn’t know you were single might just introduce himself. Maybe it wasn’t about you or anybody that day but the others who needed to know they were not forgotten. God will remind us all we aren’t forgotten. B blessed

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